I know, not another dumb ass blog! However as I turn 60 this year I have deemed that I should be allowed to start up a grumpy old man tirade against the things that have been giving me the shits for most of my adult life. The blog will be posted ad hoc as I recall things that make me want to scream. Of course as we live in a free speech society you can disagree with me but I need to tell ya’ll that I won’t give a crap. As for grammar and spelling. Well I went to a technical (should that be a capital T) school and English (should that be a small e) studies were not a pre-requisite to getting an apprenticeship. I may add here that I failed all the trades on offer. There was Woodwork, Technical Drawing, Sheet Metal and Carpentry. I kinda dug Fitting and Turning until I witnessed one of my long haired mates (this was in the late 60’s) getting his hair wrapped around a lathe and subsequently he did not need a hairdressing appointment for a number of months. Oh and by the way when I went to school you had to wear a tie… which leads me into my first rant.

First for my dumb ass blog will be TIES. No not the ties that bind but those ridiculous pieces of coloured cloth that hang around your neck and serve no practical purpose. A piece of decorated rag that in most cases cost more than the shirt you are wearing. A piece of coloured fabric that HR people and marketing people seem to think will make you do your job better.

Now for those that know me you will of course realise that I work in an industry that makes the wearing of a multi-coloured noose compulsory. Over the 40+ years I have worked in my chosen field I have seen many fashions come and go. I have worn ties so thin you could have used them for shoe laces, ties so wide that they acted as a napkin (at least they kept soup stains off my shirt). Ties made of leather during my bondage phase. Ties with all sorts of floral designs. Corporate ties (boring). Picture ties. I recall that one time in the mid-seventies I even had a picture tie depicting a bank robbery scene. My manager at the time rebuked me for being crass. I was once given a silk tie which was pretty cool but it still did not get me to the top of the corporate tree.

I have read about how you can make a statement by the colour of your tie. What is wrong with opening your mouth and saying something even half intelligent? You know there are people out there that advise the high flyers of this world on what colour tie they should wear so as to make the appropriate statement. What sort of non-descript tosser is making a living out of being a style consultant. Most of the world’s despots have worn a resplendent tie from time to time, sure did them no good in the humanity stakes. In fact I would hazard a guess that most of the world’s true humanitarians shun the dreaded tie.

You only have to look at the people that wear the tie on a day to day basis. The politicians of the world, obscenely paid business men, high ranking military men and shock jocks such as the repulsive Alan Jones. Certainly their dangling coloured appendages have not helped them in being people of quality. Maybe they tie their Windsor knots so tight that the blood can’t get to their morally and socially deprived brains.

The first person that gets up a world wide movement to relegate the tie to the scrap heap will have me as a member.

Fashion, though Folly’s child, and
guide of fools,
Rules e’en the wisest, and in learning rules – George Crabbe 1754-1832

2 thoughts on “Dumb Ass Ties

  1. Phew! If that’s what you have to say about ties, I might have to take up glue sniffing again when you get onto something REALLY serious! What a start. Loved it. Hysterical, Rob. I look forward to your next post and talking of posts … PS – Don’t believe anyone who tells you I’m a colour therapist. Sue M

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